Infant Pottying Today - Winter 2006
A newsletter about Elimination Communication from DiaperFreeBaby
Yunna, 7 months Cover Story
An Open Letter to the Public
by Amanda Alvine (Mentor, Massachusetts)
Dear Concerned Parent,
This letter seeks to address some of the misconceptions and incomplete information arising from the recent media coverage. It is not meant to be an introduction or explanation of Elimination Communication (EC), but rather a response to reactions to the media portrayal of EC and DiaperFreeBaby. If you have concerns, I hope I can deal with some of them here.
Starting at various ages
First of all, although several articles have given the impression that elimination communication (EC) is begun at 6 months of age, this is actually a misrepresentation. Many families begin at birth or shortly after, and many more between 1 and 6 months. Families may also choose to begin as late as 9, 15, 18 months or even beyond. Also, EC is not at all the coercive form of early potty training practiced at the beginning of the 20th century. Elimination communication is not coercive or punitive, and the focus is more on communicating with our babies than about getting elimination in a specific spot.
Responding to the child
Some people have expressed concern about the possibility of forcing an infant to sit on the potty, and I want to assure you that EC does not involve forcing an infant to do anything, especially to sit on a potty against his or her will. Elimination communication is something initiated by the infant, when he wriggles or makes some other sign that he needs to eliminate. The role of the parent is one of response; just as a parent responds to rooting or a hungry sound by feeding the baby, a parent can respond to a wriggle or grimace by offering the baby a place to eliminate. This signal and response is an important part of the communication, and parents often add to it by talking to the baby about what is going on. For instance, if the parent notices the baby is peeing (in the diaper or in a potty location), the parent might say, "Oh, you're peeing," or make a particular sound ("psss" or "shhh" or "ahhh"). As this two-way communication continues, parents often notice that the signaling from baby becomes clearer and more insistent. Some parents see this as a sign that the baby realizes they are paying attention and are responding.
Preferring not to eliminate in a diaper
Also, many parents notice that their child shows a marked preference for not eliminating in a diaper. Some media stories have referred to this with comments about "infants sitting in their own waste," which can seem overly harsh. While it is true that many infants don't know any different, many parents find that even a conventionally diapered and toilet trained child will show an aversion to wet diapers early on, and then gradually become less concerned. And almost any parent can tell a story of a child peeing just as soon as the diaper is off for a change. Some people have suggested that this may be due to the temperature change, but it might also be due to a baby's desire to get the pee out when he knows it won't stay next to him. For parents whose child has made it clear that wearing a used diaper is intolerable, they often find it best for their family to respect their child's wishes and either change the diaper immediately or offer a potty place when the child signals.
Using diapers
Speaking of diapers, parents practice EC with various levels of diaper use. You may question the claim that keeping babies diaperless for a bit can strengthen the parent-child bond. I agree with you that if diaper-free time raises the stress level and makes fun time with the child impossible, then it would be best for the family not to try it. However, it is possible in many families to find a way to be diaperless and relaxed at the same time. For instance, before a baby is mobile, bare bottom time can be spent sitting on a cloth diaper on a waterproof pad and playing with a parent and some toys. Parents who enjoy carrying the baby in a sling might line the sling with a diaper and sit the baby on that, while wearing an easy-to-wash T-shirt. Many parents who EC have some rooms in the house that they consider potential diaper-free rooms, and some where diapers or a good track record are required. In this way, parents don't have to worry about their furnishings.
Pottying as playtime
Also, while it may seem that playing with baby or taking baby to the potty are mutually exclusive activities, many parents find that taking a baby to the potty can be playtime too! Some parents have a little potty placed on the bathroom counter, to save wear on the back, and parent and baby have a great time making eyes at each other in the mirror. Other parents stash books near the potty, or exciting toys. And some babies and parents just enjoy talking to each other. As the baby gets more mobile, potty trips can actually be more enjoyable than trying to keep a moving baby still long enough to get the diaper back on. In general, parents who practice EC often find that things go most smoothly when the stress level is low and everyone is still having fun. It can be a good indicator that it's time to relax when a parent starts to feel out of touch with the baby and his cues.
Meeting the needs of the child
Another potential concern is the thought of a parent "jumping to meet the every need" of their child. It does seem like that kind of parenting would hinder a child in becoming a capable person in his own right. It might be worth making a distinction between needs the child has the resources to meet and needs the child has no way of meeting on his own. For instance, I'm sure you would agree it would be senseless to expect a child to find his own way home from school 5 miles away as a first grader. But at the same time, it would not be asking too much to have an older child arrange a way home if he chooses to stay after for a special activity. In the same way, it is senseless to expect an infant to take care of his elimination needs on his own. Either a parent must somehow contain the waste in a diaper until an appropriate time to remove it and clean the baby, or the parent must undress the baby and offer an appropriate potty location. When tending to this elimination need with EC, by showing the baby "where people potty," we begin to give him the knowledge he will need to take care of his elimination needs later, when he is able to undress himself and take himself to the potty. And by responding to his body's cues of a full bladder, we help to reinforce his feeling of what a full bladder feels like, so that he will recognize it later when he is able to get to the potty. Any jumping that is done is in response to the fact that small babies have very limited ability to wait between signaling the need to pee and actually peeing, but as a child gets older, the response begins to vary and gradually the child takes over various parts of the pottying process until he is completely responsible for taking care of the need to eliminate.
Reaching toilet independence
Lastly, the claim in some articles that children are completely trained by 2.5 years is not one that we espouse. Many parents find that a side benefit of EC is that a child is independently taking care of their pottying needs by as early as 18 months, while other parents find that their children may take longer. I believe that the 2.5 year mark is the average age when EC-ed child reaches toilet independence. Despite the slant in some articles, an early age of training is not actually the goal of EC. Rather, elimination communication is an alternative way of responding to a child's elimination needs, and many parents find that it fits in with their families and parenting styles. Many of us feel that we wish we had known about it sooner, and that the idea of responding to a child's cues around elimination just as one responds to cues around sleep and feeding really made sense to us. Our goal with DiaperFreeBaby is merely to get this information out there, so that parents who find it a good fit can try it.
I hope I was able to explain the idea a little more clearly. If you have other questions, or are interested in finding a local group, please check out our website or email us.
Happy Pottying!
--Amanda
EC in Practice
Winter and Cold Weather EC
by Emily Yates (Mentor, Idaho)
At Home:
- Have your baby wear long sleeved shirts or sweaters. Then when the pants are down, baby is still covered.
- Long cozy gowns are great for EC. Easy to pull up, nice and warm, too!
- Remember if your child is being carried in a pouch, wrap or sling, baby will be warmed by your body heat, so your baby can be diaperless in your sling, and still be warm. To protect your sling and your clothing, sit your baby on top of a prefold diaper.
- Try baby legwarmers if your baby wears only a diaper or training pants on their lower half. Cut off the feet of your old socks and use them for legwarmers or buy some legwarmers made for babies.
- Make or buy some fleece split crotch pants.
- If your baby's bottom is often cold, try using training pants or snap pants.
- Put the potty in a warm spot in your house so it stays warm, or get a potty turtleneck.
- Hold your baby close to you over a receptacle while she pees so she won't have the shock of a cold potty on her behind.
- Put the potty seat between your thighs while you get baby uncovered to potty. This will warm it up.
- Hang up rinsed baby pants in a breezy or warm area to dry naturally.
At the store:
- Use cues (verbal, signed) when you potty your baby so that she learns these cue signs and can associate them with appropriate potty places. Then, when you are out, your baby will recognize these cues, which will indicate to her that when you offer her a receptacle it is a good time to go.
- Offer your baby an opportunity to go before you start your shopping and again before going through the checkout line (if there is a bathroom in the store).
- If your baby hasn't gone in a while, hold her closely to you; babies usually won't eliminate while being hugged close to you without giving you clear signals.
- At the store, use a training pant or split crotch pants with underwear. Training pants are a little more absorbent in the event of a miss.
- Remember not to be distracted by shopping! It is amazing how time flies. Remember how often your baby needs to pee. This can be more in the winter because babies don't sweat as much.
In the Car:
- Keep a potty or other receptacle in the car.
- When your baby signals, safely pull over and potty her in the car without opening the doors if possible. This may require some maneuvering!
- Use a pre-fold, terry towel, or waterproof pad in the car seat in case you can't pull over in time.
- Carry a large, re-closable zipper bag in your car in case something gets wet.
- Carry extra training pants and clothing.
- Keep a water bottle in the car to rinse the potty. It is a good idea to have extra water in your car anyway.
- If you are expecting a bowel movement, and are using a potty, you can put something inside the potty such as a small container (some sour cream containers or disposable/reusable plastic containers with tops are just the right size) before putting your baby on the potty. After your baby is done you can cover it and take it to the next bathroom you find and flush it. If you don't have a container, you can also use tissue or a bit of water to make it easier to clean, putting all waste into a plastic bag. Carry your container or bag with you and dispose of it properly at your destination.
Featured Diaper Free Baby Groups
South Broward County, North Dade County
By Ellen Sandoval (Contact, Florida)
My daughter is 19 months old and we've been practicing Elimination Communication (EC) since birth. At first, I found it overwhelming because I felt driven by internal pressure due to a misconception on my part that there was some competition to be "out of diapers" by some super early date. Then later I found it overwhelming because after a period of really getting it, we were back to square one. She was crawling and I couldn't manage to catch anything.
So, when I was approached by a local mom and asked to begin running a EC meeting, I felt a total fraud. What could I possibly have to say to other parents that would help them on their journey to success with EC?
Well, quite a bit, it turns out.
Let me just back up to a recent insight.
On a month-long trip while staying with family, after two weeks of things suddenly getting back on track and really tasting EC "success", we lost the plot entirely. My daughter would not go for any of my usual and quite varied techniques. I found myself beginning to feel quite irritated. Why, after proving she could do it, would my daughter stop signaling and stop cooperating?
Why indeed?
Well, I don't pretend to be an expert on child development and so I don't need to analyze all the reasons she might have had for this apparent regression. However, what I could analyze was why I was having this reaction. What I realized was that I was not respecting her needs and was wishing to impose my will, in this case that she'd pee when and where I thought appropriate, upon her. And further that I felt judged if I failed to succeed in this endeavor.
Whoa!
With this insight, I was able to relax about what was happening, back off, become much more positive, respectful and communicative, and trust the process. Within a few weeks, we were gradually finding ourselves back on track.
So, back to my original question of what I could possibly have to say to other parents looking for support with EC: Quite a bit! I am now very clear that the point is not to coerce our babies into performing a party trick nor to prove our own self-worth by having a child who's the first kid on the block to be self-sufficient at potty use. And I can share this learning to the best of my ability from my heart.
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
By Arie Brentnall-Compton (Group Member, Edmonton)
In a matter of only a few short months, our new group has grown tremendously! Nancy, our DFB leader and organizer, has been the area contact for DFB for quite some time, fielding the occasional email and phone call. After a popular local playgroup held an EC'ing information session, several women expressed interest in meeting regularly to discuss EC. Nancy quickly created a Yahoo group for DFB Edmonton and made plans for the first meeting. We were able to use the child friendly office space belonging to an area midwifery consumers' group at very low cost.
The first meeting was held in October 2005, with several Moms & their babies in attendance. Attendees' EC'ing experience ranged from "hadn't really figured it out yet" to "diaper free baby!" Everyone was excited to hear about the other's experiences, having had very few peers to discuss the topic with face to face. Plans were made to continue to meet once a month.
The Yahoo group has been an excellent tool, used by members to introduce themselves and to ask between meeting questions as well as by several people interested in DFB and/or practicing EC who are unable to attend meetings. Membership has grown steadily and is now nearing twenty.
Some national media coverage on EC prompted a local reporter to contact Nancy with a request to do a health segment feature on an EC'ing family. I did a positive 2-3 minute piece on the local news, ending with DFB contact information. The result was new interest in the email & in person groups by local women thrilled to learn that there was an active EC'ing community in town!
Additional advertising has been done through a local alternative parenting magazine and of course, word of mouth.
Just three meetings have been held so far, with more new and returning moms at each one. The group has an encouraging and supportive culture which certainly contributes to this success. It's exciting to see how sharing their EC experiences with others is increasing the women's confidence in their abilities to respectfully meet their babies' needs!
Question from an EC Family
Q: I have a 3 month old boy. We use the toilet reducer seat at home which has a little cup to catch the urine, but when we are not at home I have trouble coordinating the holding and aiming at the same time. Any suggestions?
A: I recommend that you practice aiming at home, because not only can it get tricky, but a lot of little boys stop urinating if their penis is touched, until they get used to the idea that they're being aimed.
Hold your boy in the "classic" position, but instead of holding his right leg in your hand, rest the leg over your wrist, and use your middle finger to gently aim the stream (so your hand is kind of weaving between the leg and the penis). Use your left instead if that's your dominant hand. [see picture below for a similar position]
For what it's worth, stream direction, aim, and force, all change as the baby grows, so you won't need to do this forever. =)
Laureen, California
A: Try holding your baby as pictured here:
Photo: Elizabeth Sabourin, Vancouver, Canada
A: Have you tried turning him around backwards on the toilet when you are not at home? This way you can kind of bend him toward the seat a little if need be to get his arc in. Hope this helps!
Rikki, Italy
Have a question about the DFB lifestyle? We'll address your questions in future issues.Please send your suggestions to Infant Pottying Today.
Frequently Asked Question
Q:Does practicing EC mean you can not use any diapers? Why not have a diaper on the baby just in case?
A: Practicing EC does not mean that you will never use diapers. In most homes in industrialized society, parents will use diapers at least as "backup" for anywhere from a few weeks to many months.
When first starting EC, you may find that your diaper use actually increases. At the beginning, parents often find it easier to practice EC if they know immediately when their child eliminates, so they usually prefer to use cloth diapers without covers or highly absorbent training pants. If a child eliminates in the diaper instead of in a potty or toilet, the parent will change the diaper immediately, thereby using more diapers than previously. Once a parent is more "in tune" with a child's elimination patterns, the diapers will stay dry for longer periods of time and diaper use will decrease.
Some families choose to use disposable diapers exclusively and still have great success with EC. After parents have been having success for a while, they feel more confident switching to regular underpants or training pants that aren't designed to hold wetness. One advantage of practicing EC is not letting your child sit in his/her own waste for an extended period of time. Therefore, most parents who practice EC limit their diaper use to protecting their homes and other public spaces rather than using them for catching a baby's eliminations.
While many families stop using diapers after several months and prefer to change wet underwear (should that occur) instead of diapers, other families diaper their children until they are "graduated." These families are also able to enjoy the benefits of EC.
EC Survey
When out and about, where is the place you are most comfortable pottying your baby? Where are you least comfortable?
Please send your responses to Infant Pottying Today
We'll publish them in a future issue.
Creative Corner
Oh, Darling Child
by Drakka (Whidbey Island, Washington)
Oh, Darling Child
Precious one who is
part of me and yet
all her own
I remember the day
when I learned
you had joined us
How great my joy
Over and over
I recall those
fluttering kicks
and mighty punches
The day you were born
I could not look at you
without crying
at your perfect beauty
But you are human
like me
your body consumes
and eliminates
I envisioned you
with your perfect skin
wrapped in plastic
wet and fretful
Perfect child
encased in filth
It's not right
you, swaddled in waste
The primal mother
in me sees
that this
isn't the way
Help me, Grandmothers
who birthed alone
and powerfully
on soft forest floors
You who knew what
breasts are for
holding your treasures
with milkwet chins
I see you with
babies pulled
to your chests
squatting them
I see a clear arc
showering the ground
baby smiles
all is well
I take this vision
make it mine
Sssssss like a breeze
my baby is dry
And happy
Photo
Dexter, 5 months
New Mentors and Contacts
Please welcome our new Mentors and Contacts since October 2005:
Alabama - Karen
Arkansas - Erica
Australia - Nicole
California - Jennifer, Monica, Sally, Susanna, and Tammi
Canada (BC) - Carrie and Leslie
Canada (Ontario) - Christine
Colorado - Kara, Laurie, and Leslie
Florida - Jenny, Kathy and Laura
Illinois - Jeska
Indiana - Samantha
Iowa - Jess
Italy - Annalisa and Rikki
Maryland - Dawn and Sandra
Massachusetts - Kelly and Marie
Michigan - Terri
New Jersey - Larissa and Tamara
New York - Julie, Lolli, and Nicole
New Zealand - Rachel
Oregon - Katy
Texas - Andrea
United Kingdom - Kez
Utah - Erin
Vermont - Rachel
In the News
DiaperFreeBaby and Elimination Communication in the News
by Elizabeth Parise, Communications Manager, and Mentor, Massachusetts
DiaperFreeBaby was the focus of a media storm of attention during the second half of 2005. It started with a few stories breezing in, then came on fast and furious with the People Magazine article, "Toilet Training at 6 Months?" This was followed closely by The New York Times article, "A Fast Track to Toilet Training For Those At The Crawling Stage" and the "big three," the national morning talk shows. After this, the interest continued to thunder towards us affording the opportunity to share a passion for EC.
It is funny to think that a basic human function, such as elimination, would create so much interest, but EC is really a "lost art" that intrigues the media and the public. The onslaught of attention has allowed us to reach new audiences and more people than ever before. It has moved us toward our mission of "helping families around the world discover and enjoy the emotional, developmental, environmental, and health benefits of practicing Elimination Communication." The press might not always get it exactly right, as it is hard to "find" this "lost art" and describe it accurately in two to four minutes or a page and a half, but it sparks knowledge of the possibility of EC.
The winds of the media storm have quieted a little, but interest is still blowing around. Perhaps we are just in the eye of the storm. The stories are evolving and becoming more in depth. Journalists are becoming more interested in providing practical tips than opposing viewpoints. There may even come a day when EC is not an interesting news story because it is integrated and enjoyed by so many, but for now...check out our In The News page.
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